What you don't see on the outside..

I need to start blogging more. I love looking back at old posts and seeing how much things ahve changed. <3

I told myself, that after graduation I’ll cut off all ties with you, simple because you had the most impact on my high school career. No more responding back to you every couple of months so you can see how I’m doing and ‘whats new’. But.. I still catch myself thinking about you wishing I was still the girl in your passenger seat on hot summer nights doing idiotic things. I replay June 24th, 2010 in my head over and over again wishing I done things differently that night. I just can’t get over all that we’ve been thru, I thought the hard times were supposed to bring us closer, but it was the complete opposite that night. How can two years of being together, disperse that quickly? I wish I can come to the conclusion that you’re no good, and that I’m actually with somebody that loves me after a 6 month strong relationship. I just hope that one day, you’ll realize the heartache you gave me for TWO whole years after a bad break up, and that you were the one that ruined me and my high school career to the point of unfixable. You knew you were doing it, too. 

I know you’ll read this, thanks to a few of my followers that hate me, and tell you everything I post on every website.

YAY for graduation in six hours. BOO for the shitty people who made my high school career the worst four years of my life. 

I’ll never understand my actions, and why I don’t do the right thing when I know I should. It’s like I refuse to be successful. I always imagined myself spending the rest of my life with you, thinking nothing could ever end us, now look. We’re strangers. We’re strangers because my actions. But that’s the past now, I don’t even know why I’m still talking about it. I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t need alcohol to have fun anymore. I guess this is the start of me trying to straighten up? :/ I feel like ever since I got that damn citation for drinking, my life has been nothing but stressful. It’s bullshit. Probation and getting my license taken for a YEAR?! I wanted to actually be successful.. But ha! I can’t be successful without a car. No school. No diploma. No college. No future. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. Holy shit dude.

It just hurts to look at old photos of memories that didn’t last. I catch myself doing that quite often. I wish I had some good things in my life that would cause more great things to happen so the memories can last forever. But no. Just Brittany and her bff always scoping out the losers that are either in jail, rehab, or just straight cracked out. Ahh. Such failures.